Self-Identity – Who are You Really?

Updated: Jan 12

Self-Identity – Who are You Really? That’s an interesting question, isn’t it. We identify with many things, but this is just a process in our minds. But often, this identification causes us to suffer because our self-identity isn’t who we really are.


Your favourite football team loses, and you suffer as though YOU lost. Your car is damaged and it feels like YOU are hurt. Somebody attacks who they think you are, and it is as though they could actually reach inside and poke at your true self. You feel anger, hurt, shame or blame. Is there a way to escape this unnecessary drama and pain?


Perhaps, if you can see what you are not. Seeing this clearly can free you from much of the suffering that comes from identification. Try this simple meditation:


A Meditation on Self-Identity


Get comfortable in a quiet place. Close your eyes, relax and take several deep breaths, breathing through your nose. Let your breathing fall into a natural pattern. Allow tension to drain from your body.


Now begin by asking: Where am I? What am I? Who am I?


Let these questions sit for a moment in your mind. Be aware of your body. Think of your leg. If you lost it, would you cease to exist? Are you your leg? Go through the parts of your body, asking ‘Am I here?’ ‘Is this my self?’ Open your eyes and look around you. Are you those things? Maybe you feel pain when your favourite vase breaks, as though it were you. But you’re not that vase. Ask yourself which of these things you own are you. ‘Am I this?’


A Case of Mistaken Self-Identity?


Close your eyes and say your name. Do you feel a sense of identity? What if you had no name? Ask ‘Am I really…’ and say your name again. What’s the honest answer? If this one is tough, say ‘I am…’ and insert any other name. Notice how when you call yourself by another name, you feel differently. Your name-identity is a collection of ideas, something seen differently by you and others.


As feelings arise, ask ‘Am I this fear?… this pain, desire, sadness, pleasure, anger?’ Your feelings are not you – they just pass through you. Your clothes, your body, your reputation – none of it is your true self-identity.


Do this meditation for 15 to 20 minutes, then take a deep breath and get up. Notice how you feel different – less worried or less attached to things, feelings and thoughts. Do the meditation as often as necessary, to remind you of what you are not.


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And there’s more…


And if you’d like to investigate more ways to discover who you are, take a look at Myers-Briggs personality types – it’s so revealing. This book helps you understand yourself and others. What’s not to love? Buy this book! Click on the link below: Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work – Otto Kroeger:


I remember Fiona Harrold from way back in the late 1980s, when life-coaching was a new thing. Her books seemed life-changing then and still stand the test of time. Golden nuggets simply drop out of this book! There’s no doubt – people who handle life well, achieve great things and prosper have stronger self-belief than the average person. That’s why you need to read this book. Buy this book! Click on the link below: Indestructible Self-Belief: 7 simple steps to getting it and keeping it – Fiona Harrold:


This unique book details the many shapes your thoughts can follow and how you can reframe the things that truly matter to you. Chock full of practical advice to follow, this brings the abstract into concrete reality to help you live your life in your true essence: Buy this book! Click on the link below: Wise and Shine: Think Clearly, Live Deeply, Be Someone You Value – Robert N Stonehill:



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