How to Deal with Anger (the alternative way!)

Updated: May 19

Anger what can you do about it? Anger occurs when someone behaves in a way that violates your ‘rules’ or standards. While anger is neither good nor bad, what you choose to do with that anger can make a huge difference in your life!


When the ‘red mist’ descends, use it as the trigger to motivate you to resolve a troubling situation. Getting angry with your spouse can force issues to the surface so you can find a solution. A sense of outrage has led to the development of many charitable organizations. It isn’t always bad and can be incredibly beneficial.


But anger can also lead you to do something that you regret. Fury has the potential to create a tremendous amount of harm, which is often difficult to undo.


Learning new, more constructive ways to deal with your anger can improve your life tremendously.


The best way to handle your anger depends on how you deal with it now:

If you suppress anger, try to recognize when you’re suppressing angry feelings.


Burying your anger can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and passive-aggressive behaviour.

  • Venting your anger in private can help you feel a sense of control without harming anyone else. But consider this a temporary solution, since you’re not addressing the situation that fueled your anger. You’re just defusing your resentment, so you don’t magnify the problem.

  • The most important skill to develop is assertiveness. It’s challenging to express your feelings if that isn’t normal for you. Learn to let others know in a constructive way when they’ve upset you. Start with smaller things, and the more important things will become easier.

If you dump your anger aggressively, challenge your unrealistic thinking.

Unrealistic expectations commonly fuel aggressive behaviour. People aren’t going to treat you fairly 100% of the time.


  • Your children aren’t going to listen to you all of the time. Your spouse won’t always give you the attention you desire. Accept it and realize that you’re making assumptions when you have unrealistic expectations. The behaviour of others can’t centre around you continually.

  • Replace your unreasonable expectations with different thoughts. Seek alternate explanations for someone’s actions when you find yourself becoming angry. What are some other possible reasons for the situation at hand

  • Ask yourself if the story you’re telling yourself about their actions real? Or is it merely a story you keep telling yourself?

  • Learn to pause and think before you act. If you’re a dumper, you’re probably like a bull in a china shop, wreaking havoc without any thought about what you’re doing. Count to ten, take a deep breath, and then speak carefully. There is nothing more vital than maintaining control over yourself.


You can often prevent situations that make you angry.

What can you do to avoid issues before they get started? If there are people, places, or situations that seem to trigger angry feelings, attempt to minimize your exposure to those triggers.


Talk to your anger.

Okay, perhaps that sounds a tad kooky. But have you actually tried talking to your angry feelings?


“Oh anger, is that you again? I’m aware I can feel this spinning/rising/hot sensation and I think it’s because of some waste-of-energy stinking thinking I’m having. Subconscious mind what can I do to calm down?” Prepare to be surprised as your mind starts to come up with solutions to your erupting emotion.


Dealing with anger is a part of life. But just because you might have learned unhealthy ways of dealing with your feelings of anger, doesn’t preclude the possibility of learning new strategies.


Diffusing anger can be remarkably easy!

Are you open to learning a new way of coping with your riled up feelings? What if you could find a way to get into a calm state quickly, using techniques such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping), or other mind-body therapies?

I have some fantastic news for you…


It’s possible to move from being pissed off to serene faster than you think!

Why not take a look at the videos I’ve produced to help you gain control of your wrath? Watch them, give the techniques a go and let me know your results!

After all, what have you got to lose – except your anger?


And here’s another one to try:



So, now you’ve mastered those techniques, it’s time to try the Spin Doctor. This works well for anxiety and for anger – try it now. Click on the link to learn how to spin bad feelings away: https://www.ruthybaker.com/2020/05/16/nlp-spin-doctor/


If you would like individual help to master your emotions, please contact me via the form at the bottom of this page to arrange an individual session.

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And there’s more…


Master Your Emotions is the ‘how-to’ manual your parents should have given you at birth. By reading it, you’ll learn a step-by-step process to deal with negative emotions so you can live a happier, more fulfilling life. With pragmatic exercises and personal examples, you’ll explore techniques that counteract draining spirals of negativity and provide immediate relief. Want to learn to master your feelings? Look no further. Click on the link below: Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings – Thibaut Meurisse:


Angry at being used as a doormat and want to stop? Read this! Click on the link below: Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself – Aziz Gazipura:


It’s time to step up and change from volatile mess to cool-got-it-together. And this book holds the key to doing exactly that. Take a peek here. Click on the link below: Own Life: How to Show Up with Confidence and Take Control of the Future – Todd Eden:


Want to feel more confident? Try this guided meditation sleep story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIalVvMHSto&t=427s


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