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How to be Less Critical of Yourself and Others

Updated: Oct 12, 2022

Why is it so important to learn to be less critical or yourself and others? We all have our own set of values. While having values is very positive, there’s also a risk of getting over-enthusiastic and expecting others to behave a certain way. It’s important to realize that there’s no single way to live life or view the world. You’re limiting your personal growth and enjoyment when you expect others to live according to your rules.

Being critical of others has additional consequences. If you’re hard on others, you’re also hard on yourself. Your self-esteem and happiness suffer. Be less critical and you’ll feel happier within yourself.

Life is simply more enjoyable when we accept others and ourselves.

Use these strategies to remove your expectations and be less critical:

Be aware of critical thoughts. Everything has a beginning. Before you can make critical judgments and say critical things, there has to be a critical thought. Whether you need to be less critical of yourself or others, the clue is there. This is your cue to change your thought process.

  1. Monitor your thoughts and remind yourself to be more open-minded.

  2. Pause for five seconds and take a deep breath. In most cases, you’re safe until you open your mouth. When you find yourself feeling judgmental, stop and take a short pause. You’ll interrupt your thought pattern and give yourself a chance to think before you say something you might regret.

  3. How many times have you wished you could take back something you’ve said? That doesn’t have to happen again in the future. Understand that people, including yourself, are doing the best they can. That’s not to say that everyone is living up to their potential. But everyone has their own unique past, tragedies, upbringing, health issues, and way of viewing the world. Faced with the same experiences, you can’t be certain you would do any better. The person you’re judging might be doing a lot better than you think if only you knew the entire story.

  4. Avoid stereotyping. You’re only fooling yourself if you believe you can judge someone based on a couple of characteristics or facts. Are you strong and patient enough to determine the truth about the other person?

  5. Find a role model. You know someone that’s very accepting of everyone. Sit down and speak with them. Ask them how they manage to be so non-critical of everyone. Their thoughts are the answer to your struggle.

  6. The past doesn’t have to equal the future. Everyone makes mistakes. Those mistakes don’t have to be repeated. Understand that people can learn from their errors. You wouldn’t want to be judged by your greatest mistake, nor would it provide an accurate view of you. Give others the same consideration.

  7. Respect the freedom of others. No one elected you to decide how others should live their lives. Do you honestly believe that your way is the right way for everyone? You have the option to live your life the way you choose. Provide the same freedom to others.

  8. Let go of your expectations. Having expectations is a form of trying to control others. Become more flexible. When you have expectations, they’re sure to be violated. There’s only one way you can feel at that point: upset. Let go of your expectations and accept the outcome without judgment.

If you have a habit of being critical, you’ll get more out of life if you reverse that tendency. This is a great opportunity to be patient and understanding with yourself.

Remember – the people that annoy us are here to teach us about ourselves.

Make an effort to learn more about someone you don’t like. You might find that your first impression was incorrect!

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And there’s more…

Where does your ‘Critical Self’ come from? How did you learn to be critical of yourself and others? Transactional Analysis holds the key to understanding the patterns of thought and behaviour and how we create them. More importantly, it teaches how to change those fundamental, yet unhelpful, beliefs you hold about the world. To learn more take a look at This is me!: Becoming who you are using Transactional Analysis. This is me! let’s you take a look at how your past affects your current behaviou-. Considering that an important part of the answers to your life’s questions are locked up in your own past. TA is a wonderful way to look at the various parts within yourself. You will gain insight into your own reality, your frame of reference. This is the basis upon which you will be able to increase your options for how to behave and to treat yourself and others in a respectful manner. With the help of TA you can become an autonomous human being who is able to live in the-here-and-now with love and awareness. Learn more about yourself now! Click on the link below: This is me!: Becoming who you are using Transactional Analysis – Lieuwe Koopmans:

The inner critic is the voice in our heads that whispers, whines, and needles us into poor self-esteem and self-confidence. It edits our thoughts, controls our behavior, and inhibits our actions. It thinks it is protecting us from being hurt or feeling abandoned, but all it really does is reinforce our feelings of shame and guilt, sabotage our intimate relationships, and incline us to self-destructive behaviors. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice presents a revolutionary new strategy for dealing with the inner critic: externalizing it. This subtle, powerful technique turns internal self-criticisms into ‘you’ statements that can be evaluated objectively and exposed as the gross exaggerations, unfair comparisons, or flat out lies they really are. This book takes you through the step-by-step process of learning how to keep track of your negative thoughts, analyze their reality, and recognize how they impact your life. Learn how to stop the Nasty Nelly voice inside your head! Click on the link below: Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations – Robert Firestone & Joyce Catlett:

The strange thing about learning to be less critical of yourself, is that you find that you are far less judgemental towards others. In this gem of a book, you’ll find out exactly what you need to think and do to be less critical. Discover how to overcome your self-critical voice! Click on the link below: Yes! You Are Good Enough: End Imposter Syndrome, Overthinking and Perfectionism and Do What YOU Want – Trish Taylor:

Want to learn an amazing way to change your life using just one word? Click here to find out more!


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© Ruthy Baker 2020


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