Why Loving Yourself leads to Better Relationships

Updated: Jan 12

Want to know how loving yourself can help you to find and keep the perfect relationship? Read on…


When it comes to relationships, the most common burning question is can a relationship last forever?  My answer is always the same.   No, it won’t last forever because no relationship ever does.  It might last a long time, depending on a number of factors – but last forever – it definitely won’t.


Why do I say that with such certainty? It’s because the truth of the matter is that every relationship will end in tragedy. Inevitably, with a coupling, one of you will die, or perhaps leave the other person, or maybe life circumstances will prevent you from being together.


Make the Most of the Present Moment


On the face of it, this can seem depressing. But, on the other hand, accepting the existential stance that life as it is now will at some point change (because we live in the real world and not some Disney extravaganza), means that we can decide to really appreciate the time spent with our loved ones. By which I mean cherishing our time with them moment by moment, rather than wondering ‘what if.’


My view is that the problem is never the question of whether the relationship will last. Instead it’s the attachment that some clients have because they believe this particular relationship is their only option, their sole chance of happiness. Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting a stable, committed relationship. The problem is trying to control the outcome of the relationship we find ourselves in, or taking for granted that a relationship will last just because it’s good now. Spoiler alert – you can never ‘own’ another person. Besides, people change, as can their relationship criteria. Change and impermanence are the only stable factors in life.


Begin by Loving Yourself


Another question that clients have is how can I find my ideal mate? My advice for people with such relationship queries is always the same – make working on your relationship with yourself your highest priority. Make commitment to your self-development the only thing you set in stone.


If you learn one valuable lesson on your self-care journey, make it discovering how loving yourself is the most important lesson. Value yourself more than your relationship with others. This may appear selfish but in truth it is selfless. Because people who truly value themselves also know how to value others.


Think of your self-growth as a practice run for being in relationship with another, where you can value the other person’s self-growth because you understand the worth of your own.

Taking the focus off another person, or the idea of being in a relationship, and onto loving yourself, means that you can get to know what makes you happy as an individual. Being able to please yourself enables you to be happy in your own skin.  Learning to love yourself is key.  Strangely, it’s this quality about yourself that will make you attractive to others. Magnetic even.

Loving Yourself Means No ‘Needy Vibe’

Being confident in yourself enables other people to feel secure being around you. You feel ‘safe’ to be around, there’s no needy vibe and no desire from you to second-guess your interactions with others. There’s another benefit. Becoming secure in who you are, and loving yourself, means you don’t have a victim mentality. This will make you unattractive to those, such as the narcissists, who prey on the weak and needy. They’ll fish in other waters, leaving you with a more desirable sea of possibilities to swim in.


But what if you’re in a relationship and wondering what to do about it? Perhaps you’re not sure whether it’s going anywhere. Maybe you’re not sure if it’s right for you. My advice is for the moment do nothing. Instead go within and become aware of what that relationship feels like within yourself. Do you feel happy or stressed? Are you feeling cherished or ignored? If it’s no good, you’ll know. The heart is always aware of the reality of the situation it’s in, even when we try to blind ourselves to the truth – deep down, we know.


Say 'No' to the Relationship Merry-Go-Round

So many people find themselves on the relationship merry-go-round, going from partner to partner yet finding the same problems appearing over and over again. This is down to subconscious behaviour patterns and beliefs that play out like Groundhog Day. Even if they begin to recognise that perhaps the relationship problems aren’t all about the other people in their lives, they believe they’re unable to make significant changes within themselves to bring about change in their outer world. This results in frustration, anger, sadness and a whole host of other emotions, none of which feel good.


Loving Yourself Begins in Your Mind

Yet it doesn’t have to be like that. Techniques, such as Hypnotherapy, Thought Field Therapy, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Emotional Freedom Technique, and many others, can help bring about a much needed mind shift, boosting self-esteem and ditching the unwanted habits and beliefs that get in the way of forming successful relationships.


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If you’re struggling with relationship woes, whether it’s a relationship that’s ended, perhaps it feels as if you’re in an ‘on-off’ situation, or you want to improve your self-esteem and confidence in order to form a true partnership with another, then why not explore how mind changing therapies can help you. To find out more, send me a message and let’s explore the best way to bring about the change you seek. Sessions are available via Zoom.


And there’s more…


Here are some resources to help you improve your relationships.

Knowing your adult attachment style can help you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of relationships. In this eye-opening book, you’ll discover your attachment style and those of others, including your present or previous partners. You’ll become more savvy about who might be a good match for you. And that will save you years of heartache! Buy this book! Click on the link below: Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love – Amir Levine & Rachel Heller:


If you haven’t heard of Vex King, I’ve simply got to ask the question: What planet are you living on?! The shining star of guruness himself, Vex King overcame adversity to create a life of love and abundance – by changing his vibe. In this book, Vex will show you that when you change the way you think, feel, speak and act, you begin to change the world. Buy this book! Click on the link below: Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness – Vex King:


Here’s a book by a new kid on the block that makes for good reading. Dani Watson, a Self Love and Law of Attraction coach, walks you through a process that will help you get clear on what you really want, ditch the limiting beliefs and negative thoughts that are holding your back and teach you how to raise your vibration so that you can to be, do and have anything you desire. Buy this book! Click on the link below: Self Love and Spiritual Alchemy: Transform your mindset, strengthen your self-worth and manifest the life you desire – Dani Watson:


And just in case you’re trying to overcome heartbreak, take a look at my blog – click on the link: https://www.ruthybaker.com/2020/05/11/how-to-use-eft-for-heartbreak/


Start your day right with some yoga with Adrienne for some serious self-care. Here’s a great yoga for beginners video: https://youtu.be/v7AYKMP6rOE


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